To stay; to go
On January 22, 2020 by Keturah HaferkampFor all my traveling, I have only once or twice talked about coping with the continuous shifting that comes with Being a Self in multiple cultural contexts.
I’m surprised at how un-curious people are about this. Not as surprised as I used to be though. These days it is easier to take things in stride but that is only because of experience. What has been difficult is watching my little family manage their feelings about Re-pat life.
I am surprised but I’m also grateful because of their adaptability.
Managing re-entry is different for all people. Depending on how deeply loved and longed for, the place left informs one’s life on the other side of the loss of that place. And this doesn’t apply to shifts in culture exclusively; this could be a family move, the death of a pet or the replacement of a refrigerator. I’m not kidding.
When we return to and from China, in each instance God has given us buffer time. We land and no one has work or life requirements. We just carve out a week (sometimes 2) to be still and re-acclimate. I call this “processing” because it is. During processing I ask a LOT of questions.
How are you doing? What do you miss? What happened? Did that really happen? Why did it happen? Why do I feel this way? I give us space to process our immediate memories of the friends and food and experiences aloud together and individually. And we handle this differently according to personality. It is so helpful to have a family unit. We have a shared, collective memory of our experiences.
The loss is real and God helps us with it. Some of it is the longing for the people and ways of the other place. In that case it helps me to remember that I am not my own.
…by the mercies of God, … present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
The sacrifice of my living self is freedom to NOT indulge in taking hold of the life I want so badly. That would be too easy. Any toddler can take what she wants. What is worthwhile and what has been worthwhile for me has been the giving up of my life.
And I am not alone. Many faithful people have gone on life pilgrimages which have led them to similar conclusions. The way to the good life is through sacrifice.
Going might be reprieve, but returning is worship.