To sleep …😴
On February 2, 2021 by Keturah HaferkampThe hubs and I read aloud to each other sometimes. He reads to me and I love his voice so much that I fall asleep during his reading. I even fall asleep sometimes when he prays.
This has been happening for about 13 years. I used to worry that he’d be frustrated at me for this but over the years I kind of realized that I fall into sleep when I am at peace. I don’t whenever I am not. What a beautiful thing to fall asleep comforted by the nearness of someone who loves you.
I was tired last night. At some point during our family reading time I dozed off…deeply. As in I did not wake up again until just after midnight. Family reading happens around 8pm.
Must’ve been tired. It was an exceptional kind of day.
***
Psalm 127 is the sermon text this next week and in it I find an old favorite: it is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep… 💤
The bread of anxious toil? Doesn’t that just sound like the beginnings of constipation. 😒
Does being anxious do anything good for me? Absolutely not.
The first time I took this verse to heart was when we lived in Denver. My eldest was a toddler and S Korea was still in our future. We were incredibly poor. Sometimes water made milk or soup or dish soap last longer. And somehow we survived.
At the time an old family friend who owned a furniture company offered a gig–would my husband drive to the factory in Breckenridge, pick up a trailer, deliver to the showroom in Oklahoma; pick up an order and then deliver the order to Missouri? It was winter, but we needed the work. The trip was dangerous–driving through the Midwest in winter with a trailer full of furniture can be dangerous. But we said yes. That was early marriage and the first time we’d ever been apart overnight since we’d gotten married.
Besides that, we were new to Denver. We had no community, no friends, didn’t know the neighbors. And I was alone with my toddler for about 1 week in a small house with a flimsy back door and a stopped up bath tub drain.
Sleep evaded me. I lay awake eating the bread of anxious toil. Maybe it was eating me. My toddler slept her regular schedule and I maintained our life–a little jealous at her oblivion.
On night two I found Psalm 127 and it occurred to me that vain meant useless. It was useless, a waste, to keep awake and churning over my worries. He gives to his beloved sleep? Did worrying about the flimsy lock on the back door help it repair? Would anxiety over treacherous road conditions keep my husband safe?
Unless the Lord watches, I lay awake in vain.
I remember sitting out front that afternoon waiting for sunset. He gives to his beloved sleep, I quoted out loud. I could almost feel the comfort of the idea seep into the crevices of my mind, soothing my spirit. He gives to his beloved sleep. Whether I stayed awake to watch over her or not, my toddler would wake for her feeding. Whether I worried over news about the road conditions in Missouri or not, he would make it home to us or he wouldn’t. Whether my mind churned over the flimsy back door or not, it would not strengthen the latch.
I let it all go and went to bed and I have slept well ever since that night …in fact maybe I sleep a little too well. 🤣
Psalm 127 is for me. It’s 12:40am right now. I’m going back to bed!
***
We got our COVID test results back.
We are all negative. Woot!
In the words of our friend Steve:
“Praise God from whom all blessings flow.”
😴